Seams Like a Story

January 5, 2024January 5, 2024

New Year 2024

Resolved: firmly determined to do something.

balloons and 2024 numerals — Happy New Year 2024

Here they come–resolutions to be better, start fresh, wipe the slate clean. Who doesn’t want to lose a few pounds…eat healthier…finish writing that book (I say this as I’ve turned into a total couch sloth this week and I’m determined to finish the remains of the cookies and candies my family left behind when they left after Christmas)

I get it. As a former teacher, I’m goal oriented. In fact, in the later years of my profession, administrators expected us to post daily leaning goals for students and evaluated us on this. I usually engage in the New Year’s practice of setting personal resolutions, and goals for my writing life as well. But before I dove in this year, a dear friend posted a quote from Donna Ashworth that caused me to pause and rethink. It reads in part:

“I don’t see the need for you to resolve to become a whole new you, when you are already so very much indeed.”

This prompted me to look to a favorite resource where I found this from Jon Kabat-Zinn:

“Maybe the fear is that we are less than we think we are, when the actuality of it is that we are much much more.

Now I’m confused. Should I refrain from making resolutions or goals this year joining many who say “My New Year’s Resolution is to make no resolutions.” I sat with these words swirling around in my brain for several days, and I think I figured it out. For me.

What if I see the new year not as an end of my old self, or a beginning of my new self, but a continuation? Can I look back at all I have experienced, the people who have loved and influenced me, the wisdom I’ve gained, the person I’ve become to get me here, to this day in January 2024, and build on that? Can continue to grow and learn, and embrace this new year, wherever it takes me, knowing that right now, I’m enough–much more than I even realize? Yes! I’m resolved.

Hello 2024, it’s me Deb. Let’s do this!

sunrise over a lake — 2024:A new year dawns.

Threads of Thought

What is something you are proud of yourself for right now?

How can you build on that foundation in 2024?

Have a great year my friends!

Warm up with a good book!

http://amazon.com/author/debravandeventer/

December 21, 2023December 21, 2023

Holiday Travel

A personal reflection.

The tip of an airplane wing flying over a city at night

“Strings of streetlights, even stoplights, blink a bright red and green, as the shoppers rush home with their treasures.” (Silver Bells, my mom’s favorite Christmas song)

I’m flying “home”, back to the Midwest for the Holidays. During the three hour flight, I try to occupy myself with a book, but my mind races to holiday plans– making my list, checking it twice, or truth be told, I’m anxious that I haven’t even started my list , or Christmas shopping, or…sigh…

I glance at my current read, which has many references to Our Town, by Thornton Wilder. In the play, Emily looks down on her former life and remarks:

“It goes so fast. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it? Every, every minute.”

I pause, and look out the oval window at the city lights as the plane prepares to land. It’s late evening and traffic snakes along busy streets like glittering beads on a necklace. People are going home from work, or taking kids to practice, or shopping for the holidays, or picking up a takeout dinner. “Shoppers rush home with their treasures” moving in a blur from one distraction to another with the busyness we call our lives. It goes so fast and I wonder–am I noticing it, my life, or am I simply rushing through?

The plane bounces down with an abrupt deceleration that pushes me forward, then back against my seat. Lights flood the cabin and passengers hop up to collect their luggage (that may have shifted during flight). I join the throng and exit the plane, soon to reconnect with friends and family for holiday celebrations.

My luggage is fine, yet something has shifted, ever so slightly.

On the car ride from the airport to our final destination, I make a silent commitment to “realize life while I’m living it”. To try to be fully present this season, through shopping and gatherings and holiday movies and decorating. The busy days and the quiet times. To really see and love and appreciate my friends and family. Every, every minute.

It’s a precious gift I’m giving myself. A tall order. I’m going to need lots of reminders.

Threads of Thought

a note the says "every, every minute." on a Christmas tree

December 11, 2023December 11, 2023

Farewell Spike

an ending and a beginning

If you’ve been following me for a while you know the story of Spike, the agave that Ed brought home from the high school greenhouse when we lived in Indiana. I documented the tale of this baby agave that outgrew its life as midwestern houseplant and moved with us to Arizona, in my first published story (January 2021 issue of the Desert Leaf magazine) and also included it in my first book, Out of the Crayon Box. At the end of the story I wrote:

“Spike is thriving in his new environment. The warm sunshine and blue skies agree with him. I hope he lives long enough to produce a magnificent flower stalk and dies of natural caused like his great-great grand plant before him.”

Ten years passed and Spike continued to grow, but showed no signs of “stalking”…until last January. It was amazing to watch the progress from a tiny nub in the center of the plant to a giant stalk, often growing several inches a day. Spike developed a following as I posted weekly updates on my Facebook page There was no way for us to measure it exactly, but it’s final height was several stories tall. We waited anxiously for the buds to bloom, but an unusually cold spell last winter froze the growth tips.

In the spring, we brought in professional landscapers to cut the dead stalk down. The main portion of the plant continued to stay green for several months, but by summer we knew it was time. Still, we couldn’t bear to part with this silly agave that had symbolized our move to the Southwest, and launched my career as an author.

By December, Spike’s once glorious leaves were brown and droopy. We had to face the fact that Spike had completed his life cycle. This week we called the landscapers back to remove what was left of our agave. From my studio window, I heard saws buzzing as they cut through the tough outer leaves, carefully avoiding the still-sharp points on the leaf tips. The points that got Spike in trouble as a houseplant and gave him his name were still treacherous. It took three men and several shovels to remove the remaining bulb of the plant. I peeked out the window, but in the end, couldn’t bear to watch. Ed saw them put the remains into the trailer to be taken to compost.

Yet, the cycle of life goes on. As a parting gift, Spike had produced a “pup”, a strong and healthy baby plant. Knowing this little plant’s potential, we moved it to a corner, away from the path. Here it can grow as wild as it wants without fearing I will snip off its points. (Your have to read the story to find out how this once got me in big trouble with Spike…and Ed)

A new beginning. This little thing isn’t named yet, but I know in my heart it will be the centerpiece of our desert garden. And if it takes after its parent plant Spike, the stories are sure to continue.

Cue the Charlie Brown Singers….Lu, lu lu….lu,lu.lu.lu.lu.

Threads of Thought

To help us name our new agave, list suggestions in the comments below!

(Know that to maintain the integrity of this site, all comments are moderated. There will be a slight delay before your reply appears).

A bright blue book with a border of crayons across the bottom and the title OUt of the Crayon Box: Thoughts on Teaching, Retirement, and Life

Besides the story of Spike, Out of the Crayon Box: Thoughts on Teaching, Retirement and Life is the story of my transition out of teaching and into a new life as a writer.

Get your copy here http://amazon.com/author/debravandeventer

November 20, 2023November 19, 2023

Tall Candle Dinners

You’re invited…are the candles tall?

tall white candles in crystal holders on a table set with roses and two classes of wine — Ready for a tall candle dinner

In her 1922 book on Etiquette, Emily Post says when setting the proper table “candlesticks or candelabra must be high and the candles as long as the proportion can stand. There are candles on all dinner tables always! “

Well, that was then, this is now, I hear you saying. Emily was no doubt referring to high- society entertaining, not our everyday grab-and-go dinners of today. I get it, but let me introduce you to my thoughts on candle etiquette.

Tall Candle Dinners

My husband and I enjoy having people over for dinner. He does the cooking and right before the guests arrive I set the table, making sure to include a small centerpiece of fresh flowers and candles. We have found that candlelight and dimmed overhead lighting along with a wonderful meal and a glass or two of good wine contributes to engaging conversations around the table. Often our guest remain at the table for hours, staying until the candles are stubs of melted wax in the candleholders.

Family dinners

The candle tradition extends to our family dinners as well. We live a distance from our grown children and granddaughters, so mealtimes together are cherished occasions. When we get a chance to gather for a meal at our house, we always light candles and start with a toast. We clink our wine, or iced tea, or water glasses together and let each other know how happy we are to be together.

Table for Two

Of course, Valentine’s Day, birthdays and anniversaries warrant a candlelight dinner, but I’ve noticed that lately, when it’s just Ed and I, we often light candles for ordinary everyday dinners. Even when it’s leftovers or we think we don’t have much to talk about, the ritual of lighting the candles seems to say “This time together is important.”

A lot of candles

So, yes. This takes a lot of candles. I’m picky, but through trial and error, I’ve found the perfect ones. I kind of don’t want to tell you about them because I’m afraid you’ll get to Trader Joe and buy out their limited stock.

OK, here goes, but don’t tell anybody else: My favorite off-white, non drip inexpensive candles are only available seasonally between Thanksgiving and Christmas and during that time we buy enough to get us through the year. I only buy a couple of boxes at once though because I don’t want the cashiers to think I’m in a weird cult or something. But the other day I took inventory and think maybe I am a borderline candle hoarder. (I currently have 15 boxes x 8 candles per box…you do the math) On the bright side, If the electricity goes out, I’m prepared.

short candles in crystal candleholders on a table with roses — Uh oh, The short candle dinner…

The short candle dinner

My children and close friends have a theory that if you come to my house for dinner and you see the candles in the holders are short it means we’d rather you not stay too long. No comment except to say ” There are candles on all dinner tables always! ” (according to Emily Post) and for you, my dear readers, the candles will always be long.

Threads of Thought

Take some time this holiday season to gather around the table with friends and loved ones. Go ahead, light some tall candles and stay until they melt into tiny stubs!

out of the crayon box book and wine glass — Perfect for starting conversations around the dinner table! Get your copy here: http://amazon.com/author/debravandeventer

November 6, 2023November 5, 2023

When Autumn Comes to Arizona

a fake pumpkin in a coffee mug — A little to much pumpkin in the latte?

When Ed and I moved to Arizona, we were drawn to the turquoise blue skies, the mild winters, beautiful sunsets, and the way you can see a million stars in the clear night sky. But, I’ll have to admit, I miss fall. Don’t get me wrong, we have seasons here in the desert southwest, winters differ greatly from summers, but the changes are subtle. You have to be on the lookout or they will pass you by. Here’s how I do Autumn in Arizona:

Forget about Daylight Savings Time

It doesn’t exist in Arizona. We are one of the two states that do not save daylight. (The other being Hawaii, where they don’t worry about time anyway.) There’s no adjustment period when the clock suddenly “falls back” or “springs forward.” The only slight adjustment I make is keeping track of what time my friends and family in Michigan, Illinois, Indiana, and Georgia are on when it comes time to make a phone call.

It is rather nice. Being retired, I have the luxury of waking with the sun each morning, meaning I sleep in longer in the winter. My biological clock is in sync with the seasons. (That’s not to say I go to bed at dusk, mind you, thanks to the invention of indoor lighting and Netflix.)

Add Some Fall Decor

There are few deciduous trees here unless you go up to the mountains or have a pomegranate tree, so forget about leaves (nothing to rake, however.) Here in Arizona, you have to make your own autumn ambience. Hang a fake leaf wreath, light a pumpkin spice candle. It’s a feeble attempt, I know, but it helps.

Wardrobe Changes

It took me years to figure out how to dress for the seasons in Arizona. A friend of mine who’s been here longer than I have says “It’s all about layering.” I still don’t have it right. The other day I met some friends for coffee. It was 50 degrees when I left home. I put on a long- sleeved tee and jeans. We sat outside, and by the time our lattes arrived, I was too hot. Back home, I changed into shorts and sleeveless top. Once the sun went down, the temperature took a nose dive and I put on a sweatshirt and yoga pants. We do a lot of laundry at our house this time of year.

Seasonal Food

Cool, crisp salads are making way for soups, Ed’s homemade bread, and yes, I’ll admit it: Pumpkin Spice Latte. My new favorite comes from Trader Joe and I mix it in with my chai tea. Perfect for sipping by the fire pit in the evening while making s’mores.

Yeah, I know, it’s not the same. Those of you who live in other parts of the country will have your beautiful leaves, the first snowfall, White Christmas. I miss it, and in fact, I’ve just returned from a trip to the Midwest where I experienced a week of Real Fall. But come January, February, and March, you’ll be calling me for reservations. Our guest room books up fast.

Author’s note: a version of this story originally appeared in the November 2022 issue of the Oro Valley Style Magazine

Threads of Thought

What do you like most about Fall?

Favorite Fall beverage or food?

Time to cozy up with a good read http://amazon.com/author/debravandeventer