Tag: holidays

Posted on

Tall Candle Dinners

You’re invited…are the candles tall?

tall white candles in crystal holders on a table set with roses and two classes of wine
Ready for a tall candle dinner

In her 1922 book on Etiquette, Emily Post says when setting the proper table “candlesticks or candelabra must be high and the candles as long as the proportion can stand. There are candles on all dinner tables always! “

Well, that was then, this is now, I hear you saying. Emily was no doubt referring to high- society entertaining, not our everyday grab-and-go dinners of today. I get it, but let me introduce you to my thoughts on candle etiquette.

Tall Candle Dinners

My husband and I enjoy having people over for dinner. He does the cooking and right before the guests arrive I set the table, making sure to include a small centerpiece of fresh flowers and candles. We have found that candlelight and dimmed overhead lighting along with a wonderful meal and a glass or two of good wine contributes to engaging conversations around the table. Often our guest remain at the table for hours, staying until the candles are stubs of melted wax in the candleholders.

Family dinners

The candle tradition extends to our family dinners as well. We live a distance from our grown children and granddaughters, so mealtimes together are cherished occasions. When we get a chance to gather for a meal at our house, we always light candles and start with a toast. We clink our wine, or iced tea, or water glasses together and let each other know how happy we are to be together.

Table for Two

Of course, Valentine’s Day, birthdays and anniversaries warrant a candlelight dinner, but I’ve noticed that lately, when it’s just Ed and I, we often light candles for ordinary everyday dinners. Even when it’s leftovers or we think we don’t have much to talk about, the ritual of lighting the candles seems to say “This time together is important.”

boxes of candles
My candle stash

A lot of candles

So, yes. This takes a lot of candles. I’m picky, but through trial and error, I’ve found the perfect ones. I kind of don’t want to tell you about them because I’m afraid you’ll get to Trader Joe and buy out their limited stock.

OK, here goes, but don’t tell anybody else: My favorite off-white, non drip inexpensive candles are only available seasonally between Thanksgiving and Christmas and during that time we buy enough to get us through the year. I only buy a couple of boxes at once though because I don’t want the cashiers to think I’m in a weird cult or something. But the other day I took inventory and think maybe I am a borderline candle hoarder. (I currently have 15 boxes x 8 candles per box…you do the math) On the bright side, If the electricity goes out, I’m prepared.

short candles in crystal candleholders on a table with roses
Uh oh, The short candle dinner…

The short candle dinner

My children and close friends have a theory that if you come to my house for dinner and you see the candles in the holders are short it means we’d rather you not stay too long. No comment except to say ” There are candles on all dinner tables always! ” (according to Emily Post) and for you, my dear readers, the candles will always be long.

Threads of thought icon

Threads of Thought

Take some time this holiday season to gather around the table with friends and loved ones. Go ahead, light some tall candles and stay until they melt into tiny stubs!

out of the crayon box book and wine glass
Perfect for starting conversations around the dinner table! Get your copy here: http://amazon.com/author/debravandeventer
Posted on

The Music Box

A Christmas Memory

When we moved to Arizona, I insisted we bring our Christmas tree with us… the artificial one that had been ours since our kids had grown and we stopped going to Tower’s Christmas tree farm to search for the perfect tree to bring home.

For several years now, we have assembled the tree and placed it in our Tucson home. But this year I decided not to. Ed and I are traveling back to our home town to celebrate the holidays with our family and it doesn’t make sense to drag everything out for a few short weeks.  I thought I’d be OK with the decision, but around the first of December, I was feeling a little lost. 

I played some Christmas music, plugged in my “Evergreen” candle warmer and set out a few of my favorite things like the nativity set I bought when our children were young. We started with the basic stable and Holy Family, then Ed bought a new figure to tuck in my stocking each year until we ended up with a full cast of characters. The kids used to fight about whose turn it was to arrange it on the mantle each year.  We had to keep a post-it note in the box to keep track. One got the even numbered year, one the odd.

This year I also set out the ceramic Santa that belonged to my grandparents and the Boyd’s Bear figurines Ed bought for me each year.

And then I set out the music box  I have displayed each year since 1973 when my mother gave it to me. It is a small red box splashed with golden stars and a Hummel painting of the Holy Family on the lid.  The date, stenciled on the top, 1973, is significant. Ed and I announced our engagement that Thanksgiving, and on Christmas Eve, he surprised me with a ring.

The vintage music box is beautiful. The years have taken their toll on the delicate inner workings and it no longer plays Silent Night when you open the lid. But the real treasure remains inside where, 49 years ago, my mother tucked a note.  The paper is yellowed and fragile, the lettering is faint with age and blurry through my tears, but I know the words by heart. 

Dear Deb,

Just couldn’t resist this music box. The year 1973 will mean a lot to you and Ed and I wanted you to have something special.   Mom and Dad

PS

May you always have as many happy years as we have had and hope to have in the future. We’re both real happy for you and Ed.

My parents had many happy years together. Sadly, Dad died just shy of their 50th wedding anniversary twenty-two years ago. Ed and I willcelebrate our 49th this summer.

 I’ll visit Mom when I’m back in the Midwest.  Short visits are best as her memory is fading and it is difficult for her to keep up a conversation for too long.  This time, I’ll bring pictures of the music box and read her words back to her.  Perhaps it will spark a glimmer of recognition, perhaps not. But I know I’m in her heart, the place where she keeps her most precious memories tucked away, like the words of love she placed in a special music box 49 years ago.

Threads of thought icon

Threads of Thought

What items bring back special memories for you?

Have a wonderful Holiday season! Treasure memories from the past and make new memories to treasure for a lifetime.

Special thanks to you, my subscribers, readers, commenters, and followers! You are the heartbeat of this blog. I can’t wait to see what “seams” like a story in 2023!

Be sure to visit my author’s page. http://amazon.com/author/debravandeventer/

Posted on

Happy Halloween

From a (happily) Retired Teacher

It’s that time of year again. Pumpkin carving, trick-or-treaters, classroom parties. Being retired, I no longer have to plan and take part in classroom Halloween activities. But I’ve experienced my share of them during my 37 year career as a kindergarten, first-grade, and fourth-grade teacher. Here are my Ghosts of Halloween past:

One of my first Halloweens as a teacher…Jeans, straw hat, hubby’s flannel shirt…A Scarecrow? Spooky owls with egg carton eyes hang from the ceiling.

Kindergarten

I started my teaching career as a kindergarten teacher in 1975. During that time kindergarten was a half-day program in public schools, if they even offered it at all. In one sense, the half-day time frame was a great setup for Halloween. The students came to school dressed in costume and we played some games (Guess who’s under the mask, Halloween Bingo, maybe a simple art activity.)  A school-wide parade would follow. Kindergarteners always led the way, and we picked up the other-grade classes as we wound our way around the school. By the end of the morning, we had a snack… brought in by parents, homemade, and extra sugary. If you were lucky enough to reserve one of the school’s projectors, you could end the session with the Charlie Brown’s Great Pumpkin. By then, it was time to send the little goblins home on a sugar high for the parents to deal with.

Half-day Kindergarten teachers had one disadvantage, however. After a quick lunch break, during which I had to clean up the classroom and reset my activities, I had to get ready to party all over again with the afternoon session, pretending that I was equally enthused the second time around. 

First Grade

Sometime during my years as a first grade teacher, things began to change. The first wave of social consciousness and health awareness hit the school scene and altered our holiday celebrations. Some parents objected to Halloween on religious grounds and did not want their children to dress up in objectionable costumes such as witches or devils. In some years, we banned the word “Halloween” and called the celebration at the end of October “Harvest Festival”. Students could dress in costume if they came as a book character. (“But Mrs. VanDeventer…. Spiderman is in a book!”)

Miss Viola Swamp
Viola was a mean substitute teacher…
…who arrived to tame Miss Nelson’s unruly class in this James Marshall book

 School officials wanted to focus on health. Sugary treats were banned in favor of “healthy snacks” and teachers scrambled to come up with ways to make carrot sticks and cheese look like fun. (I remember making spiders out of Ritz Cracker-and-peanutbutter bodies with pretzel-stick legs and raisin eyes. Yum..)

Fourth Grade

During my last three years of teaching as a fourth-grade teacher, Halloween was back and costumes were allowed. However, you had many, many state standards to cover and couldn’t afford to “take a day off” to party. Movies were not allowed unless there was a specific ‘tie-in” with the curriculum. Sorry Charlie (Brown.)My teaching team and I came up with what I thought was a great idea. Each of the 4 teachers created a standard-based, Halloween-themed activity in Language Arts, Math, Science, or Writing. The students rotated through the classrooms throughout the day, keeping everyone engaged until the end-of-the-day snack. Unhealthy treats were allowed in moderation… except now everyone has allergies. No peanuts, gluten, dairy, tree nuts…..

Retired

It’s fun to think about those days and sometimes, I really do miss the kids, the excitement, the fun. But now I’m happy to say that I celebrate Halloween with pictures of my grandchildren in their costumes and by sitting in my driveway on a warm Arizona night handing out candy to the neighborhood kids.

( I hold back a few of the snickers to eat while I’m watching The Great Pumpkin from the comfort of my own living room.)

Granddaughters Melanie (AKA Elsa) and Michaela (AKA Mayura Miraculous) have fun at the Trunk-or -Treat sponsored by Autism Community Connections https://autismcc-in.org/

Threads of thought icon

Threads of Thought

Read more about my experiences in teaching and retirement in my newly released book: Out of the Crayon Box: Thoughts on Teaching, Retirement, and Life

available on Amazon

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09JDG55JN

Proudly powered by WordPress