How to put negative self-talk in time out.
(This post has been updated from it’s original publishing date.)
Bloom
by Debra VanDeventer
A Mariposa Lily
emerges from a crack in a granite rock
and bursts into bloom.
It ignored the voice that said
lilies aren’t supposed to do that.
The piece of goldenrod linen had been in my fabric stash for months. Today I got it out and spread it on the cutting table. I decided it would make a nice pair of wide leg pants from the Emerson pattern I have on hand. The fabric is perfect for spring and summer. But before I make the first cut, I hesitate. The voice in my head challenges me. Fear says:
Linen is so wrinkly…you won’t be happy.
That color is bold. You’ll stand out.
Those pants will make you look wide.
You’re sewing isn’t that good. It will look homemade.
Something similar happens when I get ready to send a piece of writing to an editor, publish a blog post, or tell someone I’m a writer.
Fear speaks up:
You are a bad speller.
No one will think your writing is interesting.
People will think you’re weird when you tell them you’re a writer.
Your writing is a waste of time.
Put Fear in its Place
In her book “Big Magic,” Elizabeth Gilbert (yes, the “Eat, Love, and Pray” author) says this negative self-talk is often part of the creative process for her. She goes on to explain that before she embarks on a creative venture she addresses Fear by saying she is going on a road trip with Creativity. Fear is welcomed to come along, it always does, but it will not be allowed to drive.
Julia Cameron, author of “The Artist’s Way” calls these negative thoughts “blurts” and suggests we combat them with “affirmations.” I gave this a try with my sewing and writing Fears.
Blurts and Affirmations:
Linen is wrinkly…yes but lots of people wear it. That’s the nature of the fabric.
The color is bold, you’ll stand out….I have my own sense of style.
It will look homemade…each time I sew, I get better.
You are a bad speller…I’m good at using available resources for editing.
No one will think your writing is interesting….My writing might inspire others.
People with think you are weird when you say you’re a writer…My sense of self is strong.
Your writing is a waste of time….my writing is means of self-expression. I grow with each sentence I put on the page. Writing challenges me and forces me to keep my skill sharp. I love the writing community that surrounds me.
The courage to bloom
So, I’m going for it. After I click ‘publish’ to launch this blog post, I’ll lay out the pattern on my goldenrod fabric. And if you happen to see me in my new pants, please don’t tell me I look wrinkled, handmade, or wide. I’m putting those thoughts in time out. It takes courage to bloom.
Update:
I did it! I made my goldenrod linen, wide-legged pants and I love them. Here’s the follow-up post:
https://seamslikeastory.com/how-dare-i/
Now it’s your turn to do something bold and courageous! Ignore the voice that says you aren’t supposed to do that!
Threads of Thought
What new creative or courageous ventures are you currently undertaking?
How do you find the courage to bloom?
“Makes you feel as if you are sitting across from a friend sipping a cup of coffee or tea.”-DF Amazon review
“A fun, inspiring read.” -EL Amazon review
“A smart, highly entertaining memoir. The Arizona Daily Star
Can’t wait to see your new pants!
Remember the rules: don’t say I look wrinkled, homemade, or wide….
Thank you for this blog post. I get those same feelings, and the courage it took that lily to grow where others did not dare is what we need when we create. You let us see your view of the world which brings together disparate elements: a lily and creativity in a way that gives hope and strength to try new things.
Thanks Devi. You’re always an inspiration!
Seams like another well crafted essay!
Thanks Chris!
I’ve been wanting to try wide-legged pants on. In the early1970’s they were all I wore, but I’m 66 now😳. Plus, I am shorter now🤣. You will look beautiful in them🥰
Well, my sister says wide leg pants make your waist look smaller. I don’t really have a waist right now so we’ll see:) I’m working on them right now and have had to make some adjustments already.
I think fear visits us all–especially during ambitious efforts. Fear keeps me circling around a book I’ve been working on. I’ll take a new effort after reading this post, Deb.
I like the way you pointed out fear visits “especially during ambitious efforts.” So true. Keep at that book, bird by bird.